A little while ago I found out that my maternal uncle passed. It was an almost deafening experience for my mother side of the family. However it was a experience that brought the family together one last time.
My father is a bit perceptive and he noticed something about my grandfather who we affectionately call Poppie. The kind of things he saw as similar to what I saw or felt the days before my fraternal grandfather passed in 2010.
So I decided to give him a call and talk to him. We discussed what he was doing and how he was feeling. I told me he was a little sick (pneumonia) and he is feeling better now. Unfortunately everyone else beyond him was sick.
We talked about my daughter and he sounded so pleased to hear that I had a child. Oddly enough the sound of his voice instantly reminded me of my mother. All of the embedded hostility died.
I just wanted to be around him for a moment just to talk with him about what his life was like. It was sweet conversation but painful.
As I reflect on it now my heart is a bit frustrated but somewhat at peace about where he is and where I am in relationship to him. In the grand scheme of things the past is the past and we cant do anything about it.
Friday, October 28, 2016
Thursday, October 13, 2016
Worship
Just want to worship.
Today I had the blessing of listening to few people go up in worship during a practice. The funniest thing about being praise and worship leader. How much time you spending helping people worship and how little time we actually worship. We are other worldly and this worldly focused at the same time.
My job depends upon your ability to see what is being showed you. To worship with reckless abandon is the point and the road block to that is self. So myself interacts with yourself so we can get ourselves out of the way. An ordeal that would be alot easier if our minds are consistently on Jesus and his ways and his goodness.
I just want to worship.
To bow at His feet and to her the love in his voice as I call out his name.
To lift my hands, these same hands reviled, now I lift, in surrender to greater.
To lift my voice, in pure worship and unbridled passion, declaring the glory of the Lord.
To be changed by my worship, not because I gave but because of who I gave it to.
I just want to worship.
Worship the fatigue away.
Worship the pain away.
Worship until I am not longer conscious
No longer Conscious of my sin.
Only Conscious of His mercy and his love
Worship until the only thing that matter is at the forefront of my being
I just want to worship
Because you are good.
Because you are mighty
Because you are holy.
Because you are God
Because you are worthy.
I just want to worship.
Because its the only place where home is truly.
Where I closest to who I am.
Because its all that matters.
Where mattering is conversation.
Because it where my spirit is lifted.
When lifting is the action.
I just want to worship.
Today I had the blessing of listening to few people go up in worship during a practice. The funniest thing about being praise and worship leader. How much time you spending helping people worship and how little time we actually worship. We are other worldly and this worldly focused at the same time.
My job depends upon your ability to see what is being showed you. To worship with reckless abandon is the point and the road block to that is self. So myself interacts with yourself so we can get ourselves out of the way. An ordeal that would be alot easier if our minds are consistently on Jesus and his ways and his goodness.
I just want to worship.
To bow at His feet and to her the love in his voice as I call out his name.
To lift my hands, these same hands reviled, now I lift, in surrender to greater.
To lift my voice, in pure worship and unbridled passion, declaring the glory of the Lord.
To be changed by my worship, not because I gave but because of who I gave it to.
I just want to worship.
Worship the fatigue away.
Worship the pain away.
Worship until I am not longer conscious
No longer Conscious of my sin.
Only Conscious of His mercy and his love
Worship until the only thing that matter is at the forefront of my being
I just want to worship
Because you are good.
Because you are mighty
Because you are holy.
Because you are God
Because you are worthy.
I just want to worship.
Because its the only place where home is truly.
Where I closest to who I am.
Because its all that matters.
Where mattering is conversation.
Because it where my spirit is lifted.
When lifting is the action.
I just want to worship.
Friday, September 16, 2016
Day One - CE7
Oh my Goodness.....
We did our walk through St John 1 - 3. Let me tell you my eyes have never seen so much in 3 chapters. We began to understand Jesus character well before we here he his words. The holy spirit has been talking to me so much lately, or rather I have been listening to what he has been saying.
You know why you feel so charged up. Thy word is lamp unto my feet and a light unto my path. The entrance of thy word brings light. The light has been recharged and what you are feeling is keeping power its literally my breathing life into you. Man shall not live by bread alone but by every word that proceeds out of the mouth of God.
We did our walk through St John 1 - 3. Let me tell you my eyes have never seen so much in 3 chapters. We began to understand Jesus character well before we here he his words. The holy spirit has been talking to me so much lately, or rather I have been listening to what he has been saying.
You know why you feel so charged up. Thy word is lamp unto my feet and a light unto my path. The entrance of thy word brings light. The light has been recharged and what you are feeling is keeping power its literally my breathing life into you. Man shall not live by bread alone but by every word that proceeds out of the mouth of God.
Prayer
I give you my everything on today. My thanks, my devotion, my heart. Its yours oh lord. Truly your word is lamp unto my feet and light unto my path. At my hearts door you are knocking and I want you to come in and take a seat. I literally want you to come in and do what my cousin did to his lady friend. I am inviting you in and I am asking you to not leave. Willing to do everything in my power to keep you around. Wanting to cater to your every whim. I admit my need for you is great and the love and security you give is enough for me.
Continue to reveal yourself as who you are. Help me see you in a way I have never seen you before. Thank you again for giving my yourself and manifesting your self to me on today. I love you and thank you.
Sincerely Yours
Thursday, September 15, 2016
One to One
I had someone what of rousing conversation with my father about something the Lord told him.
What ever the case it ended in my going to be and waking up to God speaking to me.
" If I tell him something that he tells you, it applies to you! You can make it like it was. If you leave this world behind. Denounce this world and its system"
What would happen if you rebuilt your life on my principles as revealed in scriptures.
I predict a strong finish.
What ever the case it ended in my going to be and waking up to God speaking to me.
" If I tell him something that he tells you, it applies to you! You can make it like it was. If you leave this world behind. Denounce this world and its system"
What would happen if you rebuilt your life on my principles as revealed in scriptures.
I predict a strong finish.
Prayer
Lord I recognize the significance of your sacrifice that it not only saved me from sin but translated me from a kingdom of darkness to light. Out of death to the kingdom of your dear son.
Oh Lord my heart stand amazed at the thought that I am new, I have new definition and context in which to live.
I denounce the world and all its ways. I commit to you my life and everything. I denounce sin and accept the righteousness account to my name by Christ sacrifice. I denounce this world, its lusts and pride of life.
I seek your face that you may be revealed in me. Come forth holy spirit and take your reign and take your place.
Oh God I am yours.
Yours to do with you desire.
Monday, July 25, 2016
Rough
Noise, Noise
Compromise, Compromise
Back up, Back up
Step off, Step off
Step away... Leave the scene of the crime.
Escape while the time window is available to do it.
Down grade is provoking. Its even appealing,
The pain is real and anger is rising.
Forgive, Love and Bare
I keep on, I keep on keepin on.
Lash, Lash, Lash and Lash.
Forgive
You must.
Love
You must.
Bare
You must.
It wont always be like this...
Lash.Lash.Lash
Compromise, Compromise
Back up, Back up
Step off, Step off
Step away... Leave the scene of the crime.
Escape while the time window is available to do it.
Down grade is provoking. Its even appealing,
The pain is real and anger is rising.
Forgive, Love and Bare
I keep on, I keep on keepin on.
Lash, Lash, Lash and Lash.
Forgive
You must.
Love
You must.
Bare
You must.
It wont always be like this...
Lash.Lash.Lash
Friday, July 22, 2016
Who do you say I am?
“But what about you?” he asked. “Who do you say I am?”
Words ringing in my ear. Tear on the verge of filling my eyes because I realize what I have been missing the point of having you in my life.
They say you are this and you are that.
They say you are lie, that you don't keep your promises.
That you are not real. If you were you'd be evil.
But I say you are my light. Your are my life.
You are my refuge, my strong tower, my hiding place.
My shield when I am under fire. My sword when its time to attack.
My peace when I am trouble. My hope when I sense despair.
My reason to live. My reason to love. My reason to be.
They say what you offer is not enough.
They say the evidence can be explained.
They say there is no reason to have you.
They say you offer the same as other religions
But I know the truth
Best kept secret in the world
Jesus, savior of man, lover of our souls
God with us
Is just that
He is with us
He has imparted his spirit to us
And commended his love toward us
That while were yet sinners, he gave of himself
To make us his own.
They say you are not.
I say you are.
And I say I am yours.
I love you Jesus.
Words ringing in my ear. Tear on the verge of filling my eyes because I realize what I have been missing the point of having you in my life.
They say you are this and you are that.
They say you are lie, that you don't keep your promises.
That you are not real. If you were you'd be evil.
But I say you are my light. Your are my life.
You are my refuge, my strong tower, my hiding place.
My shield when I am under fire. My sword when its time to attack.
My peace when I am trouble. My hope when I sense despair.
My reason to live. My reason to love. My reason to be.
They say what you offer is not enough.
They say the evidence can be explained.
They say there is no reason to have you.
They say you offer the same as other religions
But I know the truth
Best kept secret in the world
Jesus, savior of man, lover of our souls
God with us
Is just that
He is with us
He has imparted his spirit to us
And commended his love toward us
That while were yet sinners, he gave of himself
To make us his own.
They say you are not.
I say you are.
And I say I am yours.
I love you Jesus.
Wednesday, June 8, 2016
Challenges
Today was very painful but challenging day. The morning began with my wife and I trying to get our bearing on whats going with our marriage and our child. The worked was interrupted by someone being remove from the call center. There is just so many things that are unpredictable that makes it very difficult to not be scared or concerned.
It doesn't help that I wast doing right for the past few days. The conviction given to my graciously by holy spirit is telling what I need to do in order to not feel this way. My mind is just all over the place and I just want very badly not to feel like this because I know for certain my not having this job will hurt me that much more.
It doesn't help that I wast doing right for the past few days. The conviction given to my graciously by holy spirit is telling what I need to do in order to not feel this way. My mind is just all over the place and I just want very badly not to feel like this because I know for certain my not having this job will hurt me that much more.
Prayer
A lot of time I come to you asking you for forgiveness for the sins of my doing. Never really noticing how deceitful I can be. I have perverse way with in me. A tendency to want to cut corners and work around what is required. You are God who is able to make me fit. Fit not just physically but occupationally. I am asking that remove that perverse way from my mind, my heart and money. Cleanse my spirit of that foul way of thinking and bring me back to honoring you.
Lord lead me. I know you wont put me in a situation that I cannot handle. Help me be smart enough not to put myself in situation that I cannot handle. I am grown and understand that there things I can set into motion that it would be to my benefit that you do not stop. However unpleasant that is to think about. Not my will but yours be done. I trust and surrender to your judgement.
All this I humbly pray.
Tuesday, April 19, 2016
The Story of Samson
At night I lay facing the back of my pregnant wife and I find myself emotional. More emotional than usual. Perhaps its the fact she is carrying my baby and she hasn't been feeling well for the last few days. But if I stop playing I am feeling emotional because I am amazed that my wife is still by my side even after the things I have done.
I lean forward and kiss her shoulder. While pressing my lips gently on her skin the whiff of her body fragrance embraces my nose and sends me on a trip only inspired by the best aphrodisiacs. Finally my eyes began to get heavy after a long night of nothing.
As I drift away the stage is set. I am in a place familiar to me we people I kind of know. One woman who is not my wife is in my sights but I am not interested but I am. You know that place where you hungry and you want a burger but when you get you are not as excited about it.
Unbeknownst to me I am trying to entice a woman who belongs to some else. I find myself flirting but only stepping back at the same time. Saying and doing things that reflect that I am not really committed to concept of stepping out on my wife.
The moment comes where I am faced by a huge man, who seemly can do me harm but doesn't. He questions me and pushes me and pushes me.
" What makes you think its ok to come after her like that?"
"You really want her for real?" "Aint you married?" " You want to come this way bruh, knowing neither of you don't want each other?" "What do you really want dude?"
I dont really think its ok. I dont really want her I just want.... Yes I love my wife but.....She was into me as much as I think I was into her....
I WANT MY WIFE but... She is hurting and I don't want to take from and already took so much.
In this moment the stage changed and it was just me and my wife in bed again.
The words rung in my head like a loud bell. I want my wife but I dont want to take it from her because she is hurting. A soft echo changed the order. I want my wife but she is hurting. I dont want my wife to hurt. I want my wife. I just want my wife.....
My heart began to tremble because I didnt understand was looking at.
My eyes open and I hear the lord say.
" You are like Samson you should read his story!"
I ready myself for the day ahead and I get to work with enough time to be 6mins late.
While hearing my trainer review information I read twice before he went over it. My eyes follow over the story of Samson. There is one word describes the story...disjointed.
There was no flow to the story it was point, point, point and end. There was moments where the Lord with Samson and it was evident. But there is something the way Samson went about what he was supposed to do that didnt sit with me and neither did it sit the ones around him.
The lord spake
Samson was anointed by me his whole life but he lived his whole life without consulting except when he was ready to avenge his own pursuits. Samson is an example of a time where I dont need to control people to have my will be done but to demonstrate the kind of life man can have without me. Great exploits but no relationship.
You , like him, are destined to do great things but what I want for you is what I wanted for Samson. I want you to walk in my power and have a relationship with me. I want you to walk with Samsons Might but Jesus relationship.
Dont be like Samson and do it in your own strength, when you do you are doing it without me with you.
Prayer
Deep in my heart is a cry for more of you. A cry to be like you and live a life pleasing in your sight. Put away from me the false way. Lead me by your spirit. In whatever I do let me not forget how good you are to me, how much you mean about how much you are to me. I am confident of this thing that it is possible for me to live my life with out but that is the last thing I want. So come and dominate my mind and heart that all I think about is you.
Take me away from vanity and pride. Humble me even as I humble myself before you. I dont want to live with you. I dont want to know to exist without you in my life. Please keep me. Please heal me. Please fill me full of you. Please deliver me from the lust of my own flesh.
I commit myself to you.
I lean forward and kiss her shoulder. While pressing my lips gently on her skin the whiff of her body fragrance embraces my nose and sends me on a trip only inspired by the best aphrodisiacs. Finally my eyes began to get heavy after a long night of nothing.
As I drift away the stage is set. I am in a place familiar to me we people I kind of know. One woman who is not my wife is in my sights but I am not interested but I am. You know that place where you hungry and you want a burger but when you get you are not as excited about it.
Unbeknownst to me I am trying to entice a woman who belongs to some else. I find myself flirting but only stepping back at the same time. Saying and doing things that reflect that I am not really committed to concept of stepping out on my wife.
The moment comes where I am faced by a huge man, who seemly can do me harm but doesn't. He questions me and pushes me and pushes me.
" What makes you think its ok to come after her like that?"
"You really want her for real?" "Aint you married?" " You want to come this way bruh, knowing neither of you don't want each other?" "What do you really want dude?"
I dont really think its ok. I dont really want her I just want.... Yes I love my wife but.....She was into me as much as I think I was into her....
I WANT MY WIFE but... She is hurting and I don't want to take from and already took so much.
In this moment the stage changed and it was just me and my wife in bed again.
The words rung in my head like a loud bell. I want my wife but I dont want to take it from her because she is hurting. A soft echo changed the order. I want my wife but she is hurting. I dont want my wife to hurt. I want my wife. I just want my wife.....
My heart began to tremble because I didnt understand was looking at.
My eyes open and I hear the lord say.
" You are like Samson you should read his story!"
I ready myself for the day ahead and I get to work with enough time to be 6mins late.
While hearing my trainer review information I read twice before he went over it. My eyes follow over the story of Samson. There is one word describes the story...disjointed.
There was no flow to the story it was point, point, point and end. There was moments where the Lord with Samson and it was evident. But there is something the way Samson went about what he was supposed to do that didnt sit with me and neither did it sit the ones around him.
The lord spake
Samson was anointed by me his whole life but he lived his whole life without consulting except when he was ready to avenge his own pursuits. Samson is an example of a time where I dont need to control people to have my will be done but to demonstrate the kind of life man can have without me. Great exploits but no relationship.
You , like him, are destined to do great things but what I want for you is what I wanted for Samson. I want you to walk in my power and have a relationship with me. I want you to walk with Samsons Might but Jesus relationship.
Dont be like Samson and do it in your own strength, when you do you are doing it without me with you.
Prayer
Deep in my heart is a cry for more of you. A cry to be like you and live a life pleasing in your sight. Put away from me the false way. Lead me by your spirit. In whatever I do let me not forget how good you are to me, how much you mean about how much you are to me. I am confident of this thing that it is possible for me to live my life with out but that is the last thing I want. So come and dominate my mind and heart that all I think about is you.
Take me away from vanity and pride. Humble me even as I humble myself before you. I dont want to live with you. I dont want to know to exist without you in my life. Please keep me. Please heal me. Please fill me full of you. Please deliver me from the lust of my own flesh.
I commit myself to you.
Thursday, April 7, 2016
The In-Law Game
I might just be letting this get to me a little more than I should but I am so peeved right now.
I am so confused about how this in law thing works. The kind of do what they want and then call it help. I asked this man for 500 dollars to buy a bed that me and Rae need. He gawked at the thought of it and then in the next breathe this man spend nearly 600 dollars on a bed set and another few hundred dollars on other item related to the baby,
Don't get me wrong I am grateful, but I am irritated. How in the world do you expect me to believe that you are interested in helping me when I tell you what I need help with and then you decide to do something else and call it help. My guess is fairly simple at this point he is trying to setup his kingdom for the way he wants it to be.
But my sensitive side gives me a different reality. In his mind he has second chance with Robyn and I think the reality is some of that I cant do anything about but at the same time some of it I can. I wont stop anyone from helping us but I certainly don't want your help by any means.
I am just a little disgusted and confused by how this is going.
Lord,
I am going to need you to touch me. Touch my mind because I am not liking how it looks right now. Help me see who I am in the situation and help do things that reflect your love to Pa and Ma in this difficult time. I'm asking that you teach me how to be your man, not just a man, a good man, Ravens Man or man my father is pleased with. Teach me how you want me to be. Tell me who I am.
I trust you with this.
"The next three days no talking about this or to this. Watch and Pray is your assignment. Leave your assumptions at the door and enter into the spirit on the occasion of this interference. Your energy is in the wrong place your are investing in the wrong things. Turn your eyes to me and let me show you who you are."
I am so confused about how this in law thing works. The kind of do what they want and then call it help. I asked this man for 500 dollars to buy a bed that me and Rae need. He gawked at the thought of it and then in the next breathe this man spend nearly 600 dollars on a bed set and another few hundred dollars on other item related to the baby,
Don't get me wrong I am grateful, but I am irritated. How in the world do you expect me to believe that you are interested in helping me when I tell you what I need help with and then you decide to do something else and call it help. My guess is fairly simple at this point he is trying to setup his kingdom for the way he wants it to be.
But my sensitive side gives me a different reality. In his mind he has second chance with Robyn and I think the reality is some of that I cant do anything about but at the same time some of it I can. I wont stop anyone from helping us but I certainly don't want your help by any means.
I am just a little disgusted and confused by how this is going.
Lord,
I am going to need you to touch me. Touch my mind because I am not liking how it looks right now. Help me see who I am in the situation and help do things that reflect your love to Pa and Ma in this difficult time. I'm asking that you teach me how to be your man, not just a man, a good man, Ravens Man or man my father is pleased with. Teach me how you want me to be. Tell me who I am.
I trust you with this.
"The next three days no talking about this or to this. Watch and Pray is your assignment. Leave your assumptions at the door and enter into the spirit on the occasion of this interference. Your energy is in the wrong place your are investing in the wrong things. Turn your eyes to me and let me show you who you are."
Wednesday, April 6, 2016
Wednesday, March 23, 2016
Change the outlook of your day
After workers meeting I have been having very deep experiences. Only deep because I was able to spent a lot of time with my savior. My love is being rekindled in way I could not even imagine.
So a few days ago I spent sometime worshiping during my morning routine. The lord spoke " You need increase your time with me." "You currently give me only ten percent of your money and your tithe has to be more than that. You are sitting at a soft 9%, I want a 25% of the same time you spend of with work."
I gawked at the thought of the time but as I began to talk to myself about what the lord commanded. I started seeing what he was saying to me. On average I spend about 17 hours up a day. So the issue of me not having enough time doesn't make sense. Especially if he is only asking for 25% of your work day.
I am a math man so I look at it like this
9 hours = 540 mins
25% of 540 mins = 135 mins
135 mins = 2 hour 15 mins
Comparatively speaking I have known my wife for 7 years. And we have spent less than year together total. No more can I be frustrated about where my relationship is not, I cannot be upset when my relationship with my savior isn't right and I spend 3 hours a week with him.
In fact its amazing what 10 mins in his presence does to us.
As I talked myself into critically look at my day and how I spend it I came up with this.
I need to put my time in with my savior. He deserves it. If I can spend an two hours on the game and cant stand to be in Gods presence for an hour then I am not worthy of him.
Prayer
Lord, you have spoken and I heard you. And instead of saying yes, I rationalized it. Please forgive me my precious savior. I repent of you inquiry to spend time with me. I say Yes to your loving embrace. I choose you. Jesus, I choose you.
Your Son.
So a few days ago I spent sometime worshiping during my morning routine. The lord spoke " You need increase your time with me." "You currently give me only ten percent of your money and your tithe has to be more than that. You are sitting at a soft 9%, I want a 25% of the same time you spend of with work."
I gawked at the thought of the time but as I began to talk to myself about what the lord commanded. I started seeing what he was saying to me. On average I spend about 17 hours up a day. So the issue of me not having enough time doesn't make sense. Especially if he is only asking for 25% of your work day.
I am a math man so I look at it like this
9 hours = 540 mins
25% of 540 mins = 135 mins
135 mins = 2 hour 15 mins
Comparatively speaking I have known my wife for 7 years. And we have spent less than year together total. No more can I be frustrated about where my relationship is not, I cannot be upset when my relationship with my savior isn't right and I spend 3 hours a week with him.
In fact its amazing what 10 mins in his presence does to us.
As I talked myself into critically look at my day and how I spend it I came up with this.
I need to put my time in with my savior. He deserves it. If I can spend an two hours on the game and cant stand to be in Gods presence for an hour then I am not worthy of him.
Prayer
Lord, you have spoken and I heard you. And instead of saying yes, I rationalized it. Please forgive me my precious savior. I repent of you inquiry to spend time with me. I say Yes to your loving embrace. I choose you. Jesus, I choose you.
Your Son.
Tuesday, March 15, 2016
Feeling a Little Lit
Time has been kind of flying by. Its March now and my birthday is in 8 days, my anniversary with my wife of 2 years is in less than 3 months and in less then then 2 months Ill be having my first child.
WOO!
There is so much going on. The wife parents are going through my parents are trying to get stuff up and running. It seems like everyone is try to get it together. The thing that makes me a little lit is when people try to direct your life the way they want you to go.
The only person that holds all the cards is me and my wife. I wasn't the kind of man that left or leaves my responsibility to others. I have never been that kind of man that passes off what I need to do to someone else because I can handle it. If anything I was the person who hated to give up when I should have been given up.
I was told along time ago. There is no honor in being blamed for something you did not do. I was told that in relation of trying to take blame for something that was not mine so I could feel bad about how I performed. I am perfectionist's perfectionist.
But I guess I am only a little lit because I knew this day would come. I was hoping that the people near me and in my life would be wise enough to tread lightly when it comes to matter like that but apparently not.
My wife has turned over a new leaf and life situation has cause her to think differently about her biological parents. I think for the first time she sees them as people and not as her parents. We spent sometime talking about how we want Robyn to view us and how we want her to be.
I used a quote from Gandhi but I adapted a little. " We have be what we want her to do." Little did I know that would translate into something immediate and huge. I spoke highly. " We want our daughter to be reconciling, we have got be forgiving and giving of a second change." I will admit that the challenge that was posed to me made me kind of swallow my words. "I had to add but I am not willing to sacrifice my marriage, child or money to do so....."
But this goes back to the understanding that lines that are drawn are there for a reason. Its not my responsibility to erase them and hope the individuals within close contact to me don't do something that cross what used to be there. And then be magically offended like we were suppose to know that line was there.
As reflect I realize that redemption is all in process. If I or my wife is going to participate in this we will have to be on the same page. Its just a little frustrating the things that you encounter during this process. But alas I wish nothing more than this process.
WOO!
There is so much going on. The wife parents are going through my parents are trying to get stuff up and running. It seems like everyone is try to get it together. The thing that makes me a little lit is when people try to direct your life the way they want you to go.
The only person that holds all the cards is me and my wife. I wasn't the kind of man that left or leaves my responsibility to others. I have never been that kind of man that passes off what I need to do to someone else because I can handle it. If anything I was the person who hated to give up when I should have been given up.
I was told along time ago. There is no honor in being blamed for something you did not do. I was told that in relation of trying to take blame for something that was not mine so I could feel bad about how I performed. I am perfectionist's perfectionist.
But I guess I am only a little lit because I knew this day would come. I was hoping that the people near me and in my life would be wise enough to tread lightly when it comes to matter like that but apparently not.
My wife has turned over a new leaf and life situation has cause her to think differently about her biological parents. I think for the first time she sees them as people and not as her parents. We spent sometime talking about how we want Robyn to view us and how we want her to be.
I used a quote from Gandhi but I adapted a little. " We have be what we want her to do." Little did I know that would translate into something immediate and huge. I spoke highly. " We want our daughter to be reconciling, we have got be forgiving and giving of a second change." I will admit that the challenge that was posed to me made me kind of swallow my words. "I had to add but I am not willing to sacrifice my marriage, child or money to do so....."
But this goes back to the understanding that lines that are drawn are there for a reason. Its not my responsibility to erase them and hope the individuals within close contact to me don't do something that cross what used to be there. And then be magically offended like we were suppose to know that line was there.
As reflect I realize that redemption is all in process. If I or my wife is going to participate in this we will have to be on the same page. Its just a little frustrating the things that you encounter during this process. But alas I wish nothing more than this process.
Warm Feelings of Love because of Wisdom
As young man I journey a usual journey to manhood if I could even use the word usual. Every young man finds challenges when be braves the journey of manhood. Each individual has to find themselves as well as learn what it means to be a man. Not only that but gravitate to a definition that holds up again every relationship starting with his family and ending with world.
I blacked it up for you but I want to be sure you understand what is really being shared here.
Perhaps the warmest most confident message about what I could be and should be came from page to page in Proverbs. I read the book multiple times in my life both for comfort and correction. The words exchanged between parents and children in this book are eye opening and telling of what God has invest in man.
Proverbs 3
My son, don't forget what I have taught you take in on level that your heart can remember: Everything I have shown you and will show you will add health to your life. 3 Remember the mercy and truth given to you : necklace reminding you of what they have taught you; keep them on the journal of your heart: 4 If you do this you will find favor and good understanding in the sight of God and man. 5 Trust in the LORD with all your heart; and don' lean how you understand things in your world. 6 In everything acknowledge him, and he will make sure your paths. 7 Do be smart and slick: fear the LORD, and turn from evil ways and thoughts. 8 Be wise and submit to the Lord for will be health to your body, and as vital to your life as marrow is to your bones. 9 Honor the Lord will all you have and all that you are, it is He who made you this way so you owe it to Him: 10 All that you gave from your substance will be filled with plenty, and it will be as if you never gave it.11 My son, don't run for the LORD's whoopins'; don't get tired of him correcting you: 12 Its out of the love of the LORD that he corrects; even as I did to you because I am pleased with who are and what to say that continue.
What is worthy sharing over and over and being shared from generation to generation in this passage?
Son, God is good and he will be good to you when you honor him. His good reverberates throughout time and through out the world. This is how you take advantage of it.
As contemplate more closely I notice that not only that Solomon being exalted to get wisdom but also understand that he has time to enjoy what God has for him. That what God has for him in immaterial world has material and benefits.
Long of the short is pays to follow Christ.
13 The man that lives well is the one who has wisdom, and that man because he is wise seeks understanding. 14 What wisdom produces is better than what silve and fine gold could ever get you. 15 She, Yes I said she, is more precious diamonds : and all the things you want this woman got. 16 Sophie gives long days out of her right hand; and in her left hand she has wealth and honor. 17 Her ways are gentle on your body and your mind, and all her paths are made of peace and surety.18 She is like a tree that give shade and water in a hot desert, go get her son: Everyone that has her as girlfriend is happy. 19 Even the LORD God by wisdom setup the earth; by understanding, her cousin, he made the heavens. 20 In His knowledge separated the sevens, and the clouds drop down dew.
21 You should write and read all sound wisdom and discretion given to you: 22 They keep me live and they will do the same for you life, life in your mind and a light nice chain around your neck. 23 It will because of God's wisdom, grace and truth that you will be able to walk safely in this life, and you wont stumble. 24 When you are in your in most vulnerable state, you wont be afraid: And yea, when you sleep it will be sweet and relaxing because you have lived right before God. 25 Stuff around is going to fall in comparison to how you are living don't be afraid of how much people don't have because the truth is the reason why is because they are wicked and the ways are wicked, and even if its looks like the wicked are made to well there time will come. 26 If abide in the this place LORD will be your confidence, and he will keep your from falling.
The father in the passage is very passionate about how life tends to unfold. He is pointing out a greater more prophet reality that includes the rise and fall of man at various points. He is very particular about how God was is better than mans way and how we ought to give due deference for logical reason and as well as financial reasons. The language was money talks.
Below he begins with rules of thumb to adhere to that reflect the mercy grace and truth he was raised with.
27 Do good for everyone you can do it for,especially for those you know deserve it. 28 If you have it then you should give it, because given what was told you, you only have it because God want to have to give it. 29 Don't be contentious with your neighbor. I did that and it didnt make sense then and doesnt make sense now.
30 Do be like evil people fighting with people for no reason.
31 Don't become envioius of what people in power, who abuse other have, Abandon silly and dangerous ideas like Get rich or die tryin. 32 That method of living is spits in the face of the Creator: but his secret is with the righteous.
33 You see curse of the LORD is in the house of the wicked: but he gives and gives blessings the inhabitant and place of the just. 34 I have seen it time and time again God allows man to reap what he sows: but he gives provision to the humble. 35 The wise man will inherit the destined glory God has for them: but a fool will get shame for his foolish ways.
Monday, February 15, 2016
Im dying of thirst - Robert Glasper
My Prayer
After listening to this song once. I was immediately stayed because of the instrumentation. It's very similar to how I play and as well as how I like to conceptualize music.
But the part that got me was the little boy or girl at the end expressing her/ himself.
What is said among other thing is " I really enjoy we that we are all different and special people, I enjoy the fact that I am brown. I enjoy being brown. I think about being brown especially when my skin rips, then I am really thinking about brown. I am thinking about what color I am but I have to be myself. You have to be happy of who you are."
The basic and most fundamental of human needs to be accepted among others like them. When I anlazye what the young child was saying was that there was a concept of being disgusted of who they are. They stood on the other side. But she even gave a statement that was more complex than it seemed.
"When my skin rips, I am thinking about what color I am, but I have to be myself."
There is a dangerous precedent set when our children are conscious what they are before the care about who they are. I child should not have to care about what color they are when they hurt. They should speak to the hurt.
This speaks to the condition of this world. That the message that if you black you have an altogether different experience you have to prepare for. Thank God the young child ended where we all need to end.
"You have to be happy of who you are."
For this cause I bow my knee to the Father
Lord,
My heart is broken for the state of this world. Sin has ravaged the black community until our children are forced to consider realities that they should not have to consider. So much broken with us. How we look at ourselves, how to look at each other and how to look at you. Please lord heal the hurt in the peoples heart. Please send a healing to there soul the glorious light of your gospel. Send laborers in the fields of the one who we lost in 2014 and 2015. Convict the hearts of man who have become corrupted and have looked on the African american community with disdain rather with heart to understand. Influence the leaders in high places to affect policy to give us a chance to defend ourselves and to capture and correct those individuals who have no respect for whom they serve. Most of all Lord. Teach us how to lean on you again. How to know who we are. Give us a definition of ourselves we can be proud of. Lord I pray you protect my child as she enters this torrid generation.
I surrender myself as a willing work to speak to good of this community. Speak words that lift my fellow man up, that esteems him on the level worthy of your sons death. I trust you to guide me in the way to serve this community.
Lord let your will be done today, In Jesus name Amen.
Would you rather?
Marital Bliss
This Valentines day I have a blissful yet painful conversation with my wife about her place in this world. Not only her place in this world but her place in my life. I can see as clear as day where she belongs and what talents and gifts God has given her and even how she can be helpful to me in where I am going with my life.
After but I found myself conflicted and somewhat angry because I could not find the words to tell her that I needed her where she was.
Would you rather be the one in the lights with all the fame and glory and have no support.
There is very lonely element that I felt when having that conversation. Because it essentially meant she was not happy about what she did. And perhaps her lack of happiness stems from her lack of understanding about her place.
I guess it is because I am the leader of my home that I can see clearly where she fits. I know that her natural disposition ( being affected by things deeply) gives her a keen ability to be able to intercede in a way that a person who was not in touch could not see it.
I kind of prophesied to her and said " One day you are going to be up in the morning going through your day and the holy spirit is going to tap you on your shoulder and have pray for your daughter. He is going to show it to you fixed in the spirit. And you daughter is going to call you and say to you. Mom, there is some stuff going on. You response is going to be I already knew. And you are going to remember this conversation."
What stands out to me about this is that I believe in Raven and God so much that I am actually praying for that day. I will it admit it is kind of difficult to be around someone who is that sensitive but I know when that women ever understand the gravity of what it means to be able to see stress... not just stress physical but the spirit of it hanging over there head, its invaluable. I want that person to pray for me. And I am lucky because I have woman like that.
I guess moving forward I want to know that it is safe to encourage that with out creating a dependence on me.
Wednesday, February 10, 2016
Season of Preparations
Areas of Development
As a minister I have become laser focused on what God wants for me. I have noticed that there are three main areas that I must gain some level of understand or clarity on before I can be great in God.
Proclivity
I hate this word but it is in essence the things takes all of us down. It is the Bathsheba to our King David. The woman on Samson's head. Its the defining issue that can and if it goes on check will take down your ministry and complete forever alter the way ministry is being done. If we look a David we can see that more clearly than anyone. David was guilty of many things and because of the way he went about handling the darkness in his life the sword never departed his family.
The minister has got to get a handle on his defining issue and find a measure of victory and accountability so he can go on and do great things for God. Perhaps my greatest fear is to be shamed by weakness as a human. There is something triumphant that happens for the enemy when he is able to take down great leader with a filthy sin.
Business
I named this part business because it varies based upon the set of responsibility that a given minister will have. For instance, If a young man is married he is going to have a different set of challenges to handle than a young man who is not married but has kids. Even more, he would be different if the man holds a full time job.
God pulls no punches with us, The expectation is that we are submissive to God in all things. In that we are excellent in all things. T.D. Jakes preached a message named " A two fisted fight"
Tuesday, February 9, 2016
Reflection on God's Lesson
What's the Lesson
While I was busy emoting about where I was and what I experiencing the lord had impressed on my heart that I would need eventually forgive my wife. To be honest, I didnt want to hear. What I wanted to hear is that it was wrong to be neglected by a woman who I pledged my life to in the sight of God.
But its kind of funny how God is. I am holding her to the commitment and he is holding me to the commitment not only the one I made to Him but to her as well. I had always said to her when I cannot understand her words or actions ,in this case, I would view her heart.
God did not let me fall this time he made me pay up on that vow.
Gods Voice
Your need to be appeased as her partner and husband has to become subject to the precedent for you to Jesus to your wife. You cannot be so in need of support and love that you forget who you are to your wife and your family. Your are Christ to them and because Christ is my last name you have got to represent me, and rep me well.
Well!
After I received like I immediately refrain to the reality that I mentioned earlier. Very simple response and very simple standard but it requires the biting of a bullet if you will. But with that I am beginning to realize something about myself. I am very emotionally charged and I often ebb and flow from moment into the emotions of the moment to then come out to a logical and rational response.
Part of me doesn't want to be like that to some how bypass it but I know better.
I just intend on learning how to be the husband God wants me to be.
Living on the Other Side.
Isn't such a wonder how the temptation to live on a low level is always present and to reach the higher road requires us to press harder into God. Is the nature of sin in us that makes us this way. We have always got to have a mind to press into God and to do life his way. Narrow is the gate the bible says....the entrance is rough but the path is easier.
We need not look too much further than God to see why this needs to be different. I am currently reading a book named He Chose the Nails " What our God did to win your heart by Max Lucado.
He ends a chapter the way I am going to end this blog.
We don't get to choose our race, sex, size of our nose or our family but we do have the opportunity to choose what happens with our eternity.
Would we rather have it the other way, Would we like to have full control over how and where we are born only to have choice of where we will spend eternity stripped from us.
I'd like to add to the thought he laid out. While can clearly say we rather be able to choose our eternity over our now. That choice lays upon us a great responsibility to live everyday with our eternity in mind. Living to please the savior, living to live again.
So I have made the choice not live on this side. I am going to live where my life is. My life is hid with Christ in God.
Marriage - Making the Choice
Conflict
Ever been mad and didn't want to be. Ever wanted to say something, but you know that something that you would say would mean the difference of your emotional climate for days on in. Welcome to marriage.
I know I have to forgive but...
When I read that it comes out so ugly. There are series of known factors when ever I encounter a weakness or an inability in my partner. I know universally that my responsibility to my wife is to be Christ, to mirror his love and adoration for her. I know that I am given a similar response when I choose myself or my sin over God. I know that if I don't forgive, I am guilty of the sin I am choosing not forgive. I know but.... This is hard and it hurts. It easy to speak the platitude but to live it quite the task.
My friend Francis Schaeffer informed me long ago.
" The more logical the presupposition the more difficult it is to live it out and conversely the more illogical the presupposition easier it is to live it out."
How I interpret what he means is that when ever you hear people say " Just forgive" Its usual very hard to do. On the other hand when you hear people go through these long drawn out processes they are usually making stuff up that doesn't work.
My struggle is not encapsulated in the what is the nevertheless moment for me.
How then shall I live?
Given all of these factors and given nature of my relationship with God, I have to proceed in a manor that not only reflect how God would treat me and yet still handle the pain. But even as I listen closely to one of my favorite songs I am wooed to go in the direction of sympathy.
What I don't want to miss is the moment to be there for her when she needs me the most.
Prayer
Lord, I come to you now with my marriage in mind. My heart is slowly feeling the pain and sense of lonesomeness that my wife might be feeling as result of what is going on in her world. Forgive me for being so insensitive to the needs of my wife. While I feel anger about her choice over me, I am overwhelmed with the emotion of what it could be like to see where you come from crumble underneath you. You have been my source for day one. Help me remember that when my wife aint got me, you got me. Help me honor you in these moments. Help me be your man, controlled by your will. I am looking you to lead me by your spirit.
Lord I trust you to handle me and this situation in a way that glorifies you.
NEVERTHELESS not my will but yours be done.
In your might name, Amen.
Thursday, February 4, 2016
Lessons In the Moment
I would like to fancy myself a good person. Most of the time looking for ways to help and support others in hard times with a kind word or good joke to make a person laugh. But these effort fail to sustain in real change in the lives of the people we come in contact with.
The other morning while on my way to work I encountered and older gentleman walking down the street with no socks or shoes on. His pants were far too small for his body, his jacket was thin and he happened to be wrapped in pink hat and scarf to chase out the cold. All to ineffective because 30% of your body heat leaves through your feet.
My heart dropped into my stomach as I said to myself " Its cold out here man. I don't want you out here like that." I made up in my mind that I would make sure he would have a pair of socks and shoes the following day.
Eagerly the next morning I rose to get out there hoping I might see him again. I was actually looking for a homeless man. I walked to my bus stop and waited while until I got the feeling I knew he wasn't coming. Urgently I walked down back to the corner where I saw him walk the day before and tapped on the door of neighborhood restaurant.
The woman hesitatingly answered " Yes?"
I said " There was man that walking over here yesterday with no shoes on, do you know him?"
She responded " Yes he is over here often, the policed picked him earlier today because he was walking around naked."
I retorted " Really?"
"Yea, I have given a timberland coat and socks but seems to lose it all the time." She replied.
" Well I have some shoes and socks for him when you see him again." I said discouraged within myself.
" I'll keep it for him, he walks through here often, you can come back and check if you like." She responded.
Immediately after handing of the shoes and good pair of socks I had for him my mind went back to my resolves. The lord caught hold of my spirit and took me to the moment I said I would help him. God gave me lingo to say to the man and the lingo went.
I saw you out here yesterday with no socks or shoes on and I wanted to help you, but before I help you do you know Jesus in the pardoning of your sin.You see Jesus was the one who sent me to help you. I can give you socks and shoes which are bound to fall apart at some point but the life God has for you that is indestructible. You have been out here begging for people to pay attention to you, you may have even wonder if people even cared. I am here to tell you I care and God cares. When you finish this life you wont have to beg anymore. People will recognize you and acknowledge you and you will be known of the creator. What a great reward to live a life pan handling and walking the streets not knowing where your next meal is coming from or if this is the day your clothes stop fitting to living in a heaven to be known of a savior who has destined a reality where you will never be cold, hungry or naked.
Then the lord spake
Notice with how intensity you walked with to just help him. This is how I seek out the soul who does not know me. I don't get tired , I continuously seek until the moment is right I send someone who belongs to me to close the deal as it were. I work day and night wooing the souls of this world to come to me. I wait eagerly at the destitute corners of this world with an ever present and watchful eye. You got discouraged when you heard that he has the tendency to lose his clothes but your mind was still made up. And that's what I need out of you because you know the shoes and socks was the way to get to the man to give him what I wanted him to have. I want the same for you. My desire for my children and no more diminished then from the first day I realized that I wanted you in my home and in my world. I did the same for you and I would that you do the same for others.
My heart quakes within me even as I began to think about that reality. Then the scripture came to mind.
Matt 25:31-46
When the Son of man shall come in his glory, and all the holy angels with him, then shall he sit upon the throne of his glory: And before him shall be gathered all nations: and he shall separate them one from another, as a shepherd divideth his sheep from the goats: And he shall set the sheep on his right hand, but the goats on the left. Then shall the King say unto them on his right hand, Come, ye blessed of my Father, inherit the kingdom prepared for you from the foundation of the world: For I was an hungered, and ye gave me meat: I was thirsty, and ye gave me drink: I was a stranger, and ye took me in: Naked, and ye clothed me: I was sick, and ye visited me: I was in prison, and ye came unto me.
Then shall the righteous answer him, saying, Lord, when saw we thee an hungered, and fed thee? or thirsty, and gave thee drink? When saw we thee a stranger, and took thee in? or naked, and clothed thee? Or when saw we thee sick, or in prison, and came unto thee? And the King shall answer and say unto them, Verily I say unto you, Inasmuch as ye have done it unto one of the least of these my brethren, ye have done it unto me. Then shall he say also unto them on the left hand, Depart from me, ye cursed, into everlasting fire, prepared for the devil and his angels: For I was an hungered, and ye gave me no meat: I was thirsty, and ye gave me no drink: I was a stranger, and ye took me not in: naked, and ye clothed me not: sick, and in prison, and ye visited me not.
Then shall they also answer him, saying, Lord, when saw we thee an hungered, or athirst, or a stranger, or naked, or sick, or in prison, and did not minister unto thee? Then shall he answer them, saying, Verily I say unto you, Inasmuch as ye did it not to one of the least of these, ye did it not to me. And these shall go away into everlasting punishment: but the righteous into life eternal.
Why such staunch response to something that seems so easy to over look. But look again friends and family. Doesn't that response coincides with
How deep the Father’s love for us,
How vast beyond all measure,
That He should give His only Son
To make a wretch His treasure.
How great the pain of searing loss -
The Father turns His face away,
As wounds which mar the Chosen One
Bring many sons to glory.
Behold the man upon a cross,
My sin upon His shoulders;
Ashamed, I hear my mocking voice
Call out among the scoffers.
It was my sin that held Him there
Until it was accomplished;
His dying breath has brought me life -
I know that it is finished.
I will not boast in anything,
No gifts, no power, no wisdom;
But I will boast in Jesus Christ,
His death and resurrection.
Why should I gain from His reward?
I cannot give an answer;
But this I know with all my heart -
His wounds have paid my ransom.-
The other morning while on my way to work I encountered and older gentleman walking down the street with no socks or shoes on. His pants were far too small for his body, his jacket was thin and he happened to be wrapped in pink hat and scarf to chase out the cold. All to ineffective because 30% of your body heat leaves through your feet.
My heart dropped into my stomach as I said to myself " Its cold out here man. I don't want you out here like that." I made up in my mind that I would make sure he would have a pair of socks and shoes the following day.
Eagerly the next morning I rose to get out there hoping I might see him again. I was actually looking for a homeless man. I walked to my bus stop and waited while until I got the feeling I knew he wasn't coming. Urgently I walked down back to the corner where I saw him walk the day before and tapped on the door of neighborhood restaurant.
The woman hesitatingly answered " Yes?"
I said " There was man that walking over here yesterday with no shoes on, do you know him?"
She responded " Yes he is over here often, the policed picked him earlier today because he was walking around naked."
I retorted " Really?"
"Yea, I have given a timberland coat and socks but seems to lose it all the time." She replied.
" Well I have some shoes and socks for him when you see him again." I said discouraged within myself.
" I'll keep it for him, he walks through here often, you can come back and check if you like." She responded.
Immediately after handing of the shoes and good pair of socks I had for him my mind went back to my resolves. The lord caught hold of my spirit and took me to the moment I said I would help him. God gave me lingo to say to the man and the lingo went.
I saw you out here yesterday with no socks or shoes on and I wanted to help you, but before I help you do you know Jesus in the pardoning of your sin.You see Jesus was the one who sent me to help you. I can give you socks and shoes which are bound to fall apart at some point but the life God has for you that is indestructible. You have been out here begging for people to pay attention to you, you may have even wonder if people even cared. I am here to tell you I care and God cares. When you finish this life you wont have to beg anymore. People will recognize you and acknowledge you and you will be known of the creator. What a great reward to live a life pan handling and walking the streets not knowing where your next meal is coming from or if this is the day your clothes stop fitting to living in a heaven to be known of a savior who has destined a reality where you will never be cold, hungry or naked.
Then the lord spake
Notice with how intensity you walked with to just help him. This is how I seek out the soul who does not know me. I don't get tired , I continuously seek until the moment is right I send someone who belongs to me to close the deal as it were. I work day and night wooing the souls of this world to come to me. I wait eagerly at the destitute corners of this world with an ever present and watchful eye. You got discouraged when you heard that he has the tendency to lose his clothes but your mind was still made up. And that's what I need out of you because you know the shoes and socks was the way to get to the man to give him what I wanted him to have. I want the same for you. My desire for my children and no more diminished then from the first day I realized that I wanted you in my home and in my world. I did the same for you and I would that you do the same for others.
My heart quakes within me even as I began to think about that reality. Then the scripture came to mind.
Matt 25:31-46
When the Son of man shall come in his glory, and all the holy angels with him, then shall he sit upon the throne of his glory: And before him shall be gathered all nations: and he shall separate them one from another, as a shepherd divideth his sheep from the goats: And he shall set the sheep on his right hand, but the goats on the left. Then shall the King say unto them on his right hand, Come, ye blessed of my Father, inherit the kingdom prepared for you from the foundation of the world: For I was an hungered, and ye gave me meat: I was thirsty, and ye gave me drink: I was a stranger, and ye took me in: Naked, and ye clothed me: I was sick, and ye visited me: I was in prison, and ye came unto me.
Then shall the righteous answer him, saying, Lord, when saw we thee an hungered, and fed thee? or thirsty, and gave thee drink? When saw we thee a stranger, and took thee in? or naked, and clothed thee? Or when saw we thee sick, or in prison, and came unto thee? And the King shall answer and say unto them, Verily I say unto you, Inasmuch as ye have done it unto one of the least of these my brethren, ye have done it unto me. Then shall he say also unto them on the left hand, Depart from me, ye cursed, into everlasting fire, prepared for the devil and his angels: For I was an hungered, and ye gave me no meat: I was thirsty, and ye gave me no drink: I was a stranger, and ye took me not in: naked, and ye clothed me not: sick, and in prison, and ye visited me not.
Then shall they also answer him, saying, Lord, when saw we thee an hungered, or athirst, or a stranger, or naked, or sick, or in prison, and did not minister unto thee? Then shall he answer them, saying, Verily I say unto you, Inasmuch as ye did it not to one of the least of these, ye did it not to me. And these shall go away into everlasting punishment: but the righteous into life eternal.
Matt 7:7-10
Ask, and it shall be given you; seek, and ye shall find; knock, and it shall be opened unto you: For every one that asketh receiveth; and he that seeketh findeth; and to him that knocketh it shall be opened. Or what man is there of you, whom if his son ask bread, will he give him a stone? Or if he ask a fish, will he give him a serpent?
If ye then, being evil, know how to give good gifts unto your children, how much more shall your Father which is in heaven give good things to them that ask him?
Within how God charges us to care for one another to encapsulates how God feels about us. He sent his soon to die for us. He sent Jesus to be sacrifice to save the lives of individuals that he cared about doesn't then make sense for it to offend God when we fight amongst ourselves and not carry and echo of the heart of God towards all of his most prized possessions.
What's the Lesson?
How deep the Father’s love for us,
How vast beyond all measure,
That He should give His only Son
To make a wretch His treasure.
How great the pain of searing loss -
The Father turns His face away,
As wounds which mar the Chosen One
Bring many sons to glory.
Behold the man upon a cross,
My sin upon His shoulders;
Ashamed, I hear my mocking voice
Call out among the scoffers.
It was my sin that held Him there
Until it was accomplished;
His dying breath has brought me life -
I know that it is finished.
I will not boast in anything,
No gifts, no power, no wisdom;
But I will boast in Jesus Christ,
His death and resurrection.
Why should I gain from His reward?
I cannot give an answer;
But this I know with all my heart -
His wounds have paid my ransom.-
We ought to live with this in mind. We ought to make everything within our worlds bow to this reality and anything exalts self against it we should set aside.
Wednesday, February 3, 2016
Tuesday, February 2, 2016
ONFJ Resource
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Robyn Symone Furr
My love Robyn.
The days have grown sort of cold since we knew you were on your way. Your mother is often in pain and I am often uncomfortable because I don't quite know how to care for her. To be honest I don't know how to care for you. I know I want to.
I know I want to wake up in the morning and listen to your cry. I want to wake up and coming running to your side and care for you. I know I want to hold you in my arms and kiss you on your face. I know I want to purchase a weapon that I have no real intent of using for the purpose of intimidating any man who thinks he is worthy of your love.
I know I want the best you and mommy. I know I want make your life better than I ever had and more connected that I ever was. I know I want to fall deep in love with you and date you and get to know all that God made you to be. I know I want mom and I to be by your side when you go through your darkest days. I know I want to do right by you.
My baby, my sweet, my princess near the side of my queen. I want to see you grow up and conquer all that we never could. My love I adore you already. I cant wait to get to know you
I wonder what you will look like. What it will be to look into your eyes. what it will be to be angry and try to stay angry when I know I cant!
Used to say that I wasn't ready. I am finding that as the days near to your arrival I cant wait.
Come to me soon my sweet
The days have grown sort of cold since we knew you were on your way. Your mother is often in pain and I am often uncomfortable because I don't quite know how to care for her. To be honest I don't know how to care for you. I know I want to.
I know I want to wake up in the morning and listen to your cry. I want to wake up and coming running to your side and care for you. I know I want to hold you in my arms and kiss you on your face. I know I want to purchase a weapon that I have no real intent of using for the purpose of intimidating any man who thinks he is worthy of your love.
I know I want the best you and mommy. I know I want make your life better than I ever had and more connected that I ever was. I know I want to fall deep in love with you and date you and get to know all that God made you to be. I know I want mom and I to be by your side when you go through your darkest days. I know I want to do right by you.
My baby, my sweet, my princess near the side of my queen. I want to see you grow up and conquer all that we never could. My love I adore you already. I cant wait to get to know you
I wonder what you will look like. What it will be to look into your eyes. what it will be to be angry and try to stay angry when I know I cant!
Used to say that I wasn't ready. I am finding that as the days near to your arrival I cant wait.
Come to me soon my sweet
Monday, January 25, 2016
More on Faith
At the moment your realize you need God, you need to admit it immediately. The reality of the matter is that often we have been callous to the tender work of the Holy Spirit. We move almost effortlessly form spiritual to carnal from day to day. Our sex is spiritual and deep and 35 mins later you are staring at the wall wondering what you want to eat.
How does this relate to God and our need for him? It is well documented that we as being are creatures of habit. We - have the option of feeding the side that we - fancy at the time. Paul is very clear that there is a living dichotomy within us. There is an old and new man. Paul continually encourages us to put off the old man, crucify the flesh, mortify the deeds of the flesh, put to death.
Its not a skitso situation, its an awareness of a change happening within you. Paul is giving us by the Holy Spirit ways to sensitize us to the "old things having been passed away and all things become new". There is frailty to the work of God in our lives because it is will sensitive. He wont operate where he is not wanted. However he will work to make you want. Other words he will woo you to allow him to do what he is trying to do. This is why surrender is so key.
Again how does this relate? Our construct does not provide us with the tools to uncallous or unharden. That why the scripture says " Harden not!" this the only time when the word gives us positive directive around negative action. We have a capacity to turn against God and stay that way. So its imperative that when he calls you answer.
Prayer:
Lord, I am aware of the sinful nature that I was born in. I am aware that I have this undesirable tendency to run from you when I should be running to you. Lord, sensitize my heart to your spirit. I surrender my all to you now. I surrender my heart and my mind to your will. If there is any place in my life that is unyielded to you, lead me to it that I might yield it to your glorious will. My heart is yours and I long to know you more, deeper and more rich in my everyday life. By your spirit I put to death the deeds of the flesh and I count myself as alive to you as a willing servant you. Cleanse my heart, cleanse my motives, cleanse me, wash me and i shall be whiter than so. Make us like you. Put us in touch with your love again. Fill us up so that all we see is you.
Lord I pray this in Jesus name.
" The only prayer that does not work is the one you don't pray."
At the moment your realize you need God, you need to admit it immediately. The reality of the matter is that often we have been callous to the tender work of the Holy Spirit. We move almost effortlessly form spiritual to carnal from day to day. Our sex is spiritual and deep and 35 mins later you are staring at the wall wondering what you want to eat.
How does this relate to God and our need for him? It is well documented that we as being are creatures of habit. We - have the option of feeding the side that we - fancy at the time. Paul is very clear that there is a living dichotomy within us. There is an old and new man. Paul continually encourages us to put off the old man, crucify the flesh, mortify the deeds of the flesh, put to death.
Its not a skitso situation, its an awareness of a change happening within you. Paul is giving us by the Holy Spirit ways to sensitize us to the "old things having been passed away and all things become new". There is frailty to the work of God in our lives because it is will sensitive. He wont operate where he is not wanted. However he will work to make you want. Other words he will woo you to allow him to do what he is trying to do. This is why surrender is so key.
Again how does this relate? Our construct does not provide us with the tools to uncallous or unharden. That why the scripture says " Harden not!" this the only time when the word gives us positive directive around negative action. We have a capacity to turn against God and stay that way. So its imperative that when he calls you answer.
Prayer:
Lord, I am aware of the sinful nature that I was born in. I am aware that I have this undesirable tendency to run from you when I should be running to you. Lord, sensitize my heart to your spirit. I surrender my all to you now. I surrender my heart and my mind to your will. If there is any place in my life that is unyielded to you, lead me to it that I might yield it to your glorious will. My heart is yours and I long to know you more, deeper and more rich in my everyday life. By your spirit I put to death the deeds of the flesh and I count myself as alive to you as a willing servant you. Cleanse my heart, cleanse my motives, cleanse me, wash me and i shall be whiter than so. Make us like you. Put us in touch with your love again. Fill us up so that all we see is you.
Lord I pray this in Jesus name.
" The only prayer that does not work is the one you don't pray."
Tuesday, January 19, 2016
Even Minded
Random Thought: Black people can't keep playing the race card to cover up for the lack of success they are having in there lives. They need to pull themselves up by their boot straps.
The funny thing about this is that I actually agree. It primarily the responsibility of ANY individual to make sure that they are progressing in the right direction with there life. The ought to arm themselves with the knowledge necessary to be competent in the personal and professional endeavors.
However, to say that it will speak for itself is to walk in willful ignorance of history. The challenge that I have with person saying that is, " Are willing to admit that at one point in time there was an OVERT effort to stifle the economic growth of the African-american? As well is there still an unconscious discrimination that takes place when you see the brown colored counterpart?"
The end of my thought is simply this. In the light of BlackLivesMatter movement, we need not become overly defensive when people begin to champion their experiences. Rather we should walk in civility and confirm the experience. The fact is there has been a significant difference between whites and black and gap continues to grow in many ways and in many different directions.
Maybe we shouldn't focus on if the person telling us the problem is telling the truth but rather turn our attention in making our world better for each other.
The funny thing about this is that I actually agree. It primarily the responsibility of ANY individual to make sure that they are progressing in the right direction with there life. The ought to arm themselves with the knowledge necessary to be competent in the personal and professional endeavors.
However, to say that it will speak for itself is to walk in willful ignorance of history. The challenge that I have with person saying that is, " Are willing to admit that at one point in time there was an OVERT effort to stifle the economic growth of the African-american? As well is there still an unconscious discrimination that takes place when you see the brown colored counterpart?"
The end of my thought is simply this. In the light of BlackLivesMatter movement, we need not become overly defensive when people begin to champion their experiences. Rather we should walk in civility and confirm the experience. The fact is there has been a significant difference between whites and black and gap continues to grow in many ways and in many different directions.
Maybe we shouldn't focus on if the person telling us the problem is telling the truth but rather turn our attention in making our world better for each other.
Monday, January 18, 2016
Faith and Family First.
On my little trap daddy of a phone I have written "Raven and Robyn". I have to admit that up until this point I have been living a selfish life. I have only been looking out for my own interest and not putting needs of my wife and my child before mine. I regret because has put a huge hamper on my love life and even the peace I have in my home.
I love my wife and I want nothing but the best for her. Yesterday while I was sitting in service my pastor gave me an insight about the nature of marriage. He pointed out Eph 5 and explained that I as the husband am the savior of the wife's body. I am called to stand in the earth a defend. Not just against physical threats but spiritual ones. I am guilty of being angry but am also guilty of pressing to that reality without being bold enough to pray for her, rather than pray about her. I am on a different path and this path means that this is mine to do. So I am changing my mindset when it comes to my Raven, my Robyn and my family.
The Lord has made it very clear to me 1/18/2015. " I have put you in a dreamless situation, so you can dream again. Working in someone else dream and trying dream yourself doesn't work. That kind of logic is human of you. I told you last year that you have five year of preparation before I move you to where I want you to be. Your year began in January. Your preparation is heeding to the voice of the wise. Just as you saw your former CEO unyielding to the divine resources I sent. Hear me. I will send people aid and assist to your preparation. Get ready, your time is coming! "
On my little trap daddy of a phone I have written "Raven and Robyn". I have to admit that up until this point I have been living a selfish life. I have only been looking out for my own interest and not putting needs of my wife and my child before mine. I regret because has put a huge hamper on my love life and even the peace I have in my home.
I love my wife and I want nothing but the best for her. Yesterday while I was sitting in service my pastor gave me an insight about the nature of marriage. He pointed out Eph 5 and explained that I as the husband am the savior of the wife's body. I am called to stand in the earth a defend. Not just against physical threats but spiritual ones. I am guilty of being angry but am also guilty of pressing to that reality without being bold enough to pray for her, rather than pray about her. I am on a different path and this path means that this is mine to do. So I am changing my mindset when it comes to my Raven, my Robyn and my family.
The Lord has made it very clear to me 1/18/2015. " I have put you in a dreamless situation, so you can dream again. Working in someone else dream and trying dream yourself doesn't work. That kind of logic is human of you. I told you last year that you have five year of preparation before I move you to where I want you to be. Your year began in January. Your preparation is heeding to the voice of the wise. Just as you saw your former CEO unyielding to the divine resources I sent. Hear me. I will send people aid and assist to your preparation. Get ready, your time is coming! "
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