Farewell Or Is it!

Over the past few days I have been getting into what I am going to call skirmishes with Pastor Curtain. The small fight have been centering around what seems to be a lack of balance on my behalf. I made a very intense commitment to stay and learn and grow under Pastor Curtain and for the past 3 years that has been my truth. It has been fraught with challenges both with him and within me but I have fought the battle with a measure of success.

Our very last confrontation has been probably the toughest because I was trigger by series of statements by Pastor. At this moment I realize I didn't really heal from the my last scrape with a Pastor. As much as I would like to continue pressing on I think it need to sit down for a season and really reckon within myself how deep this scar from my previous levels of service have went.

I precieve that he is not going to just let me sit for 30 days because that may be true I might need to just step down altogether from my role as assistant pastor and as functioning elder to really fully assess where I am and how I want to move forward.

I do think there are some difference that He and I have that we can work through but I dont think that is going to be feasible because he has some insecurities are collaboration and support that are making extremely difficult to work through. And if the trigger is real then this weakness on top of pain and that can only end if a flame out.

I am choosing in this moment to take control of where I am and make the move the puts me in the best position heal and to return to service. I am thinking about taking a 30-day sabbatical where I will suspend my activity for Generation Church in order to give myself to prayer and consideration on if its time for my to move on and stay and deal.

I dont feel as if he had done me wrong per se. I do think he has not given me as much as I would like to be able to do what I am trying to do. But then I again I think I mis perceive what his role is as pastor and or as minister. If that is the case then I should stay and figure this out...If not then I think I am going to begin to seek another church home where i can just receive the attention that i feel I need.