I Thirst

I Thirst

Monday, March 30, 2020

12:03 PM

The place I am in this morning is probably the worse I have felt in a long time. I watch Mike Todd's come up story and I listened to how his parents talked about him and I see all of the things God has been able to do though his ministry and I am honestly provoked to jealous.

Lord, Teach me not lust after what men have but to seek your face for what you want for my life. The root of my issues that plague me when it comes to porn and zeal is that I am coveting things that don’t belong to me. I have a taste for something illicit and its not like you for me to remain there. Help me to participate in my own freedom. Help me to blockout all the sound and noises and get my heart full centered on you.

Perhaps it would help if I did not have some my glaring similarities between him and myself I terms of music and prophetic word that I would do great works and even greater than my father.

I find myself in space of doubt and fear. I know the lord did not call me to that. But I cant seem to maintain spiritual fervor enough to keep my sights on him.

Lord Jesus, I am not asking for this to be easier but I guess I am. Help me turn my heart to you and hear you when you call out to me. Help me not over complicate this simple love relationship with you wherein my responsibility is to obey you when you call out to me. Give me a spirit like Abraham in that when you call out to me I can answer you " Here I am". Jesus Lord forgive my sinful thoughts and errant ways that I have exalted against your knowledge and you ways. I turn from myself and turn to you. Help me run to you. I am trapped in a body of sin that is more prevasive then my poor head can keep up with. Release not my affliction and my heart to seek you with true brokeness and contrition and to stay before you.

The Lord has been faithful in letting me know that Mike is not provocation for what I should be asking for. Neither is my father the standard.

"I am allowing you to see with your eyes how I want to bless you. I want you to echo the sentiment Mike and Your Father Did….I just want to do His will."

There is then a rustling in my spirit one that calls me to silence and peace because I understand that my clarity comes from my quietness before Him.

So then Father speak to me. Tell me what you want house of hope to be. What you want for me as husband and me as father and me as leader and me as father. Father tel